This is My Brain on Kickstarter
Ups and Downs
In the lead up to launching my current campaign, I saw a lot of folks around the indie TTRPG space (many with very successful past crowdfunding projects) speaking to the emotional and mental stress put upon them by past ZineQuests and the Kickstarter process in general. The all-or-nothing approach to funding. The big build-up towards making a sellable product page, rather than working on the product itself. Having an audience of already-paying customers looking for you to satisfy their questions, desires, etc. in a moment’s notice. I believed these reports, especially as an outsider to the process. It did seem very stressful and like a really rubber-bandy way to work. Now, I’ve partially lived through that.
In his recent (very, very good) blog post, Ian Yusem discusses going through a high-high followed by a low-low over the course of his month of funding. My experience with The Bloodfields mirrors that (so far).
In the two weeks prior to the campaign launch, I was not working on the book itself at all. On February 1st, I didn’t need a finished product (or even an all that far along product, though I was happy with my progress on it). What I needed was a good store page, a captivating window display that would pull Kickstarter browsers and random followers from various social media platforms into the idea of the zine, of me, and of the game. I needed a good pitch. The book would come later. Inherently, this process was more draining and far less exciting than doing the actual creative work I enjoyed most: writing, playtesting, and designing. This shift from creation into marketing nearly burned me out in the launch, but heeding the wise words of others who have been down this path before, I did my best to set things up early and then be happy with them and wait.
Then came launch day. I woke up too early on Feb. 1st, unable to sleep the night before with nervous anticipation - like a kid at Christmas (and unlike myself at Christmas nowadays). At 10am on the dot, I hit the launch button. In a twenty-minute frenzy, I posted it everywhere I could think: Twitter, on several relevant Discords, asked friends to boost it, wrote a Missive, etc. - anywhere and everyone I could think that made sense I dropped the links. 27 minutes after launch, it was funded. Over the next three days, I would do little more than excitedly watch the number of backers and total pledged funds rise and rise. I hurriedly updated the campaign, replaced art as stretch goal after stretch goal was hit, and chatted with excited backers in comments on an Twitter and Discord. The Mothership 1e Kickstarter put out an update linking to the project (and others) on the 3rd day, launching a renewed interest in the zine. It was utterly beyond anything I’d anticipated. I not only have very little name to myself in the space, but there were so many other great projects I was certain I’d get lost in the shuffle. Neither appeared to hold me back.
On the 4th day, I mentally and emotionally dropped fast and hard. Not only did funding slow (the least of my worries given the tremendous support I’d already seen), but now that initial thrill of seeing my ideas and my work so far validated mixed with just wonderful, mostly anonymous-support from the universe had worn away and the rising dread of impostor syndrome and the thought “well now I REALLY need to make this zine great… like really, really great” kept filling my head. I spent the remainder of the week mostly stepping away from the campaign page to let myself refresh and just let time pass.
It mostly helped. When I came back, I came back to working on the actual project, rather than the campaign. I am checking in, maintaining and boosting the campaign as needed, but I am excited to bring the actual book the rest of the way into being - knowing that the funding side will be cared for. Even still though, part of me sees the total trickle down if I check it - even if by a single backer - and I worry about the everyone else doing the same. It’s an exciting and nerve-wracking limbo to be in (but there’s less than a week left now for me).
I am lucky in my current position. I can’t imagine the mental and emotional anguish of having to wait days or weeks to hit your funding goal, that entire time unsure if you will be able to do the thing you’ve already put so much work and thoughts into making happen.
I see know why Kickstarter, seperate from its powerful hold on the crowdfunding space and seperate from its recent blockchain announcements, is a model that wears down as its creators. It’s built on boom-or-bust, ever-extending stretch goals, and a “it’s not a storefront” storefront that really can breed a dark mental stress. Were the high-highs of that first day worth the emotional lows of day 4? I’m just not sure (yet).
Help ease my troublesome mind by backing The Bloodfields at Blackstar Station HERE!
The remaining bits of my brain are focused on Orbital Debris, which I’m a writer and editor for, which can be backed HERE.
MORE COOL THINGS
I will be playing Jedi Knight Colil Nu in Episode 2 of Triump and Despair: The High Republic tomorrow night at 9 pm EST over at The Jodo Cast’s Youtube channel!
I will be previewing 13HUNTERS with the One Plus Exp gang on Twitch this Saturday at 2 pm EST!
I am writing a Corporate Sponsor for The House Always Wins, a deadly game show module for Mothership, thanks to a recently reached stretch goal!
Thanks for reading! I promise to be back in the future with more musings on my first-time crowdfunding experience, progress on The Bloodfields itself (though back the project for the most thorough updates on that front), and more!